To the Kid Who Isn’t in the Clique: Keep Going

August 12, 2026

School is about to start again, and every year it seems to happen the same way.

Within a few weeks, middle school and high school kids begin sorting themselves into groups. Somewhere along the way, certain kids appoint themselves the “popular” kids, the “cool” kids, the “athletes,” or whatever label happens to carry status at their school.

And inevitably, somebody gets left out.

This is for that kid.

If you’re not invited to everything, don’t worry about it.

If the self-appointed “popular” kids don’t acknowledge you in the hallway, keep walking. Trust me, you’re NOT missing ANYTHING.

If someone makes fun of you because you’re different, keep being different.

If you’re working hard while other kids are worried about being seen with the right people, keep working.

I’ve been around young athletes for a long time, and I’ve watched this cycle repeat itself over and over.

Middle school “popularity” means nothing.

High school “popularity” means nothing.

Graduation has an interesting way of resetting the scoreboard.

The kid who seemed incredibly important at 16 may discover that nobody cares about that reputation at 22.

Meanwhile, the quiet kid who was working when nobody was watching may be building something.

He’s training.

She’s studying.

He’s developing a skill.

She’s treating people well.

They’re learning discipline, responsibility, kindness and perseverance.

Those qualities don’t always generate attention in the high school hallway.

But they become incredibly valuable in adulthood.

That’s why I tell the athletes I train: be careful how you treat people.

Especially younger kids.

If you’re a senior and a freshman walks into the weight room, help him.

If a younger athlete doesn’t know how to perform an exercise, show him.

If someone is struggling, encourage them.

If you see somebody sitting alone, there’s nothing wrong with saying “hello”.

Being a great athlete doesn’t give you permission to make someone else feel small.

In fact, I believe the better you become, the greater your responsibility becomes to lift others up.

Real confidence doesn’t need to humiliate anyone.

Real strength doesn’t need an audience.

And real leadership certainly doesn’t require a clique.

I’ve watched plenty of kids who were considered “cool” eventually fade into the background. I’ve also watched kids who were ignored, underestimated, teased or excluded continue grinding until one day everyone suddenly wanted to know their name.

The funny thing is, they didn’t suddenly become somebody.

They were somebody all along.

They simply kept developing while everyone else was distracted.

So if you’re starting school this year and you’re worried about fitting in, change the goal.

Don’t try to fit in.

Try to grow.

Find good people.

Work hard.

Train.

Study.

Develop your talents.

Be dependable.

Be kind.

Learn how to communicate with adults. Work on your “EQ” as well as your “IQ”.

Help younger kids.

And don’t allow somebody else’s opinion of you at 14, 15, 16 or 17 years old to determine what you believe you’re capable of becoming.

High school is a chapter. And some people will stay stuck in that chapter for their entire life.

But it isn’t the entire book. There’s a reason that you’re a teenager for only a handful of years and an adult for the majority of your life. The teenage years are short, try not to worry, enjoy them.

The people receiving the most attention today aren’t the people who will accomplish the most tomorrow.